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by CARL ELDRIDGE It was a simple question, yet Ray Parlour’s humorous answer kind of summed up our season. I interviewed ooh-ahh this afternoon (keep it to five minutes, please, asked the nice man PR-ing the chat on behalf of Nationwide, sponsors of England) and listened carefully as he batted back by criticism of the players I feel haven’t been up to scratch this season.
Utterly dispirited that Parlour — who it has to be remembered earns a crust out of the club and is, it seems, loathe to level any flak at AW and his players maybe because of this — didn’t want to lay the blame on anyone, I offered him my ticket for the Blackburn game. “I can’t that day…I am re-organising my sock drawer,” he replied.
Yes, it was funny. Yes Parlour is thoroughly likeable and Lord above knows we could have done with a few in his mould during the season we have just, nearly, had. But imagine that the title was still on. The tickets for the game at Ewood Park would be like rockin’ horse shite.
“It has been disappointing but I firmly believe Arsene Wenger knows what he is doing and will get it right next season,” said the Charlie Dimmock lookalike. “He knows what players he wants and he will spend the summer acquiring them. The key area for me is centre-halves, with three players out of contract in Sol Campbell, Mikael Silvestre and William Gallas. Will any of them stay?”
Parlour didn’t agree with me that Abou Diaby has had plenty of chances to prove he is worth sticking with and has consistently proven to be, well, inconsistent. “He’s a good player, I like the way he shields the ball,” he said. “I’d like to see him after another season, although he needs to add some steel to his game.” Yes, I countered but it is always about this season when you are in pursuit of silverware, surely? Especially after five sodding seasons.
On we moved to Tom Rosicky, who I argued showed only flashes of the ability we know he has but has failed to deliver on demand. “When you have been out for 18 months it is really hard to get back into things, the way you were before, believe me, your body isn’t balanced and you pull things because you are simply not used to playing football at that level. I’d like to see him with a good pre-season in him,” said Parlour.
Avoiding obvious targets such as Nik Bendtner and the Chuckle Brothers (Almunia and Fabianksi), I pointed out that overall Bacary Sagna had hardly improved from last season and that he didn’t get forward enough in my opinion. “He’s not that type of defender,” said Parlour. “He’s more of a defensive defender.” Hmm, I guess I know what you mean, Ray, but surely in the modern game every team needs full-backs who defend and attack? “He’s had a good season for me,” said the man we dubbed Romford Pele.
We haven’t though, have we, Ray?
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