Good morning Insiders. And welcome to a very special ‘Ask the Oppo’. Now most of you
probably know that I hate Internationals but with Theo’s hat -trick against Croatia and the
very special guest I have for today’s article I thought it was worth the effort! His name
is Borat and you can catch more of him here http://www.boratdvd.com/ ok lets get started…
If you wish to enjoy the full experience of the Interview, may we suggest that listen to Borat whilst reading the article… Very Niice!
PGL: Hi Borat and welcome to Arsenal Insider.
Borat: Hello, thank you to speak me. My name is Borat, from the people’s republic of
Kazakhstan. I am very good to be in your country. Is you really inside Arsenal team? That’s really good sex! Eleven young men NIIICE!
PGL: (Shifts nervously in his chair) Ahem, Errrr So Borat, errr, how are the Kazakhstan fans feeling about the big game today?
Borat: Fans are telling me that my sister is best prostitute in village and she plays a good game. In fact I can lend her to you for tomorrow, very good price, you want to play game with her?
PGL: Ahem (blushes), No Borat actually I was referring to the FOOTBALL GAME, you know? the one between England and your country…
Borat: Oh sorry, Football, OK OK That is NIIICE..! You think maybe Cappello is a man who take off his clothes and let his chram go hard and put in a man’s bottom?
PGL: That question has made me a little uncomfortable Borat. Can we stick to matters “on the field”?
Borat: My wife, she is dead…She die in ahh, in a field…
PGL: Sorry Borat…. How will your defense cope with the pace of Walcott?
Borat: The pace of Walnut? what is making pace with walnut tree got to do with football game? Is football game at war with walnut tree? if not why do tree want to make pace with a football….You english man are very funny…. NIIICE!!!
Borat: Very sorry to interrupt politic. Might I make a shit in your house?
PGL: Go for it mate!
52 minutes later…
Borat: I did a good shit… But first digging the hole was very hard, I cannot put back the tiles on your bathroom floor… no matter eh?
PGL: Anytime. So back to the game… what do the Kazakhstan people think of the English obsession with Football?
Borat: Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog. Can I ask you personal question, I like this fat boy Frankie Lampard, he has lovely big bottom. Do you think that he will make sex with our goalkeeper?
PGL: Borat, please try to keep to the subject, Do you have any new injury worries before today’s game?
Borat: My friend, the centre back, Azamat Bagatov, a giant from Turkmenistan attack him and broke his anus.
PGL: Ouch. Sounds painful. Do you think your team will try to play a physical game?
Borat: We are very strong physique and can hold a very large woman down for 3 hours…we can throw rock at a gypsy from 10 metres. 15 metres if chained up.
PGL: Tell us about your young centre forward, Nursultan Tuleiakbay, I believe you grew up together?
Borat: This my neighbor, Nursultan Tuleiakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success.
PGL: Can you translate the Kazakhstan National anthem for us?
Borat: Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls.
Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, all other countries have inferior potassium.
Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, it’s length thirty metres and width six metres. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid shits.
Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown.
Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan, They very nosey people with a bone in their brains.
Kazakhstan industry best in the world, we invented toffee and trouser belt. Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region, except of course Turkmenistan’s.
Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Come grasp the might penis of our leader from junction with the testes to tip of its face!
PGL: Finally Borat, I’d just like to present you with a Gooners Shirt…
Borat: Thanking you. I will put this prize next to the only other one I won, from Central Asian Olympic Committee. For hitting gypsy with rock at 50 metres…NIIICE!
Please visit Borat’s site and buy lots of his DVD’s, he such a funny man.
By Perry Groves Lovechild.