EXCLUSIVE: ARSENAL TO BRING IN 11 NEW PLAYERS IN THE JANUARY TRANSFER WINDOW!!!!!

EXCLUSIVE: ARSENAL TO BRING IN 11 NEW PLAYERS IN THE JANUARY TRANSFER WINDOW!!!!!

 
Lamenting the demanding and physical aspects of Premier League games, congested fixtures and unfair treatment from the referees have done him no favors. An insider has revealed that Stan Kroenke, the US investor new in Arsenal’s Board of Directors, has shed some light on some possible solutions to Wenger.
Mr Kroenke is determined to spread his influence in Arsenal FC by bringing in 11 new “football”’ players in the January transfer window to boost the squad in a bid to push for domestic glories. Wenger too, feels the wrath of highly physical games, where “cowards” are ruining his thin and fragile squad. Mr Kroenke has declined to provide names for his new recruits, but his accomplices has mentioned that Mr Kroenke is keen to levy on his experience in US Sports Enterprise to bring in talented “football” players who will fit the bill to play in the gruesome Premier League matches.
Managing Colorado Ice Hockey Team, Colorado Rapids and Denver Nuggets Basketball, Mr Kroenke intends to extend his US influence to bid for 11 new “football” players from NFL (National Football League). He is ready to splash the cash and raid the best players from NFL teams such as New York Giants and Green Bay Packers. An audacious bid for the 2008 Super Bowl MVP, Eli Manning, is rumoured to be underway.
Soon, there will be a whole new squad of players at Wenger’s disposal to challenge for honours. Mr Kroenke even suggested loaning some of Arsenal’s reserve players to play in his Colorado Ice Hockey team to learn the physical aspects of Premier League games. Wenger has expressed his delight on his new players but stressed that fans should not expect too much from them upon their arrival during the coming January transfer window. He emphasized the need for new players to adapt to the team but highlighted the importance of their contribution.
“They have absolutely everything (i.e. the muscle, the strength and the tackles to halt anyone in their way), except for the techniques, to succeed in the league’, says Wenger. He maintained that any of his 11 new players would better Rory Delap, in his trademark bombarding long throws from the sidelines. Soon Stoke City and Birmingham City shall have a taste of their own medicine, with every Arsenal new players capable of bombarding long throws into the penalty areas and winning every challenge in the midfield area.
Wenger is absolutely thrilled at adding the needed steel and bite to his “Beautiful Football”. 
The article above is, of course, a hoax. I guess I must be hearing people swearing at me after reading the article. However, I do think some humour is needed to relieve the tension and disappointment that has clouded our beloved club for the past 2 weeks. It must have been a nightmarish 2 weeks for every gooners.
I’ve written this article in response to Arsene’s comments on bad tackles and also FTK’s recent articles. I strongly feel that Premier League Football is slowly evolving into the form of contact sports that FTK has mentioned, which only exists in National Football League. With more players trained to cripple players rather than playing football itself, there is a need to import players who play “contact sports”, isn’t? There are definitely “football” players in US that tackle stronger than anyone in the Premier League, aren’t there, Grimbo? =) As mentioned by him, football in US means rugby of course, but aren’t football in England slowly evolving into a “contact sport” like rugby?
Despite the continual effort to introduce video technology into Premier League, sadly, no video technology has yet to make groundbreaking advances to spot player’s intention to take the ball or feet away from another player. FA should really take more responsibility into rooting out bad tackles or risk ruining the beautiful aspect of football. Just like China’s poisoned milk powder ruining the World’s Dairy Market, these ugly tackles are destroying World’s most celebrated sport too.

Wow! We beat Man United!

With big players missing the Man United match through injuries and suspension, it could have been the wrong time to take on the in form Man U team. With Fabregas rallying the war cry, the fans who had criticized our great manager were stunned into silence as Nasri buried the hopes of Man United to get a first win at the Emirates. See his wonder strikes on Gooner Tube!
For once Man United came to play football, and when teams allow us to play, we prove time and time again that we are the best team able to exploit the passing game. The only down side is that this will encourage even more teams to stop playing football and try to cripple our young stars. When will common sense prevail and allow teams to provide the entertainment that the fans crave for with their hard earned cash and commitment week in and week out.
Let the Mexican wunderkid loose!
Finally a message to Wenger: Stop telling us how good and talented Vela is!  We’ve heard enough already, so for god’s sake, please now let him off the leash! With Adebayor and van Persie out, his addition will add unpredictability to our squad against the teams that think they “know” how to beat Arsenal. Add the unknown factor of Diaby up front then anything is now  possible. There is also a good case to be made to unleash Wilshere too in case. Why should Nasri have all the fun?

Have something to tell us about this article?
Let us know