Harry pips Arsene to land comic Corbett

Another day and another Spanish starlet said to be on his way to N5 to follow in the footsteps of a certain Cesc Fabregas. Well, that’s according to one, er, organ this morning. And the organ in question is the Daily Star, which reports that AW is competing with Real Madrid for Racing Santander’s Sergio Canales. And there is also talk of Ronnie Corbett joining the coaching staff at Tottenham.
The paper reckons that the 18-year-old midfielder is the new whizzkid of Spanish football and is even being tipped to make their World Cup squad this summer.
According to the tabloid, this little Spanish gem will be available for nothing this summer as his contract runs out and he is expected to join Real Madrid. But the Star says AW hopes he can use the example of Fabregas to persuade Canales and his father agent, Angel, to choose the Emirates and the Premier League.
Skip this, AW, just go and bring Matty Flamini home…and make it a priority.
Staying in the realms of transfer speculation, the Independent no less claim we are continuing to look at increasing their attacking options and will offer Lazio £17m for the Argentine striker Mauro Zarate, who has said he needs to be playing regularly ahead of the World Cup. More chance of Ledley King playing Stephen Hawking in a new musical based on the theoretical physicist’s life…come to think of it, given the number of times LK is injured…
Talking of injures, the Daily Mail reports that Theo Walcott is still not ready to return from a niggling side strain and Arsenal are investigating whether the problem is linked to his shoulder surgery.
The paper says Walcott has only made 10 appearances for his club this season and has not played for England since June.
Theo missed the start of the campaign with a similar muscle injury on the opposite side of his body and Arsenal’s medical team are exploring the theory that it may relate to essential surgery he underwent to strengthen his shoulders, which were previously prone to dislocation.
AW hoped to have Walcott back for back-to-back games against Bolton on Sunday and Wednesday but the winger has now been ruled out and is doubtful for the FA Cup fourth round tie against Stoke.
Then there is Telegraph’s take on Theo’s injury woes and they claim he is ready to give AW another timely boost by returning to full training next week ahead of a potential first-team comeback in the against Stoke a week on Sunday.
Walcott hopes to complete his individual rehabilitation programme this week and is targeting the fourth-round FA Cup tie, says the paper and adds that his most recent injury was an abductor strain and follows hamstring, knee, thigh and shoulder problems over the past 18 months. AW puts those injuries down to the natural maturing process of a 20 year-old whose body is still adjusting to the demands of professional football.
Meanwhile, in the scoop of the new decade, the Mirror stuns us all with the, er, revelation that Everton are set to offer Philippe Senderos an escape route from his ‘Arsenal hell’.
The lofty minds at the paper conclude that the Swiss defender desperately wants to leave the Emirates this January as he believes his chances of making his country’s World Cup squad are in jeopardy. Senderos has featured in just two matches this season – both in the League Cup – and Atletico Madrid are keen on luring him to Spain.
But with the departure of Lucas Neill to Galatasaray, Everton manager David Moyes has earmarked Senderos, 24, as a potential replacement. Senderos spent last season on-loan at AC Milan but failed to engineer a permanent move there and now the return of Sol Campbell has hastened the Arsenal man’s desire to leave.
Based on what I’ve just been reading I think it’s about time we started to dream up our own stories and I’ll go first:
RONNIE CORBETT has been drafted in by Harry Redknapp to help Roman Pavlyuchenko beat the bout of depression hanging over him while he waits in the sidelines at Tottenham. The Russian hitman hasn’t played for 11 years and was set for a loan spell at Leyton Orient but Redknapp stepped in to scrap the move after bumping into Corbett at a urinal in the West End. Redknapp snapped: ”
The geezer’s a funny geezer and I am positive the geezer Corbett can help the Russian geezer over his current ills. Once we get the Russian geezer’s head straight he can be a real tonic for the squad. We weren’t the only ones keen on bringing the comical geezer in to do some life coaching. I know for a fact that the geezer Arsene wanted him down the road — he’s a mug, the geezer — but it is a testament to this club and what I have done here since coming on the payroll that the comical geezer has chosen to come to White Hart lane. It means we can guarantee our fans a top four finish, a new 100,000-capacity stadium and a lot of laughs along the way.”
Diminutive ribtickler Corbett refused to comment, stopping briefly after a couple of swift halfs in the British Queen just off the High Road to say: “I refuse to comment…but did I tell you about the time…” I know…I am bored. Any other such similar tales welcome…

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