Kim Jong-il Blues nuke terror threat

Big shout out to Arsenal nut and North Korean despot Kim Jong-il (who I know is a big fan of the site) this morning after his offer to nuke St Andrews following their imbecilic fans’ ‘one Matthew Taylor’ chants celebrating the fact that the cretin broke Eduardo’s leg.
Dropping an H bomb on the place is probably going a bit far but then when Arsenal fan Kevin Phillips pops up to get the flukiest of goals and effectively end our hopes of a Premier League title you would have had many volunteers from the away end who would have gladly pressed the button. I know Merv would have been one.
And so, miserably, we peruse this morning’s papers which, rather too gleefully for my liking, report our demise at the hands of the Blues and that cruel, late leveller.
The Mirror tells us that Arsene Wenger lost his cool in a four-letter rant as Arsenal’s title challenge ‘hit the buffers’. AW told ­reporters “leave me alone, for f***’s sake” after Phillips’ injury time ­equaliser brought a 1-1 draw at Birmingham.
Wenger was angry over a Craig Gardner tackle that left Cesc Fabregas nursing a knee injury which could keep him out of Wednesday’s Champions League quarter-final with Barcelona.
“It was a bad tackle — one more,” he grumbled. “He got kicked under the knee. Why was it not even a free-kick? You should ask the referee, I don’t understand football.”
When asked if he meant one more bad tackle in this game or generally, Wenger snapped. He said: “Leave me alone for f***’s sake.You do not need me to see what happened in the game. It’s you who make the ­controversy. I can give you my opinion on the football, but don’t try to drag me into your controversies.”
The paper adds that Fabregas, who finished the game, will have scans this morning on his knee to ­assess his chances of facing Barcelona, and AW admitted: “At the moment I don’t know. We tried to take him off after it happened, but he said he was all right.”
“It’s a big blow to our title chances because we were in a position where we had to win every game. We had this one won, and had chances for a second goal.”
Now to some transfer tittle-tattle and the same paper says we are set to join the race for SV Hamburg star Jerome Boateng. Manchester City have already made their interest in the 21-year-old central defender known – but we have also been alerted to his availability for £11million. Our scouts have been monitoring Bundesliga games in the last month as manager Arsene Wenger looks to strengthen his squad in the summer.
Meanwhile the News of the World claims Carlton Cole has leapt to the top of our wanted list after they were given first option on the West Ham striker. The paper says we made their move for Cole after doubts over Marouane Chamakh’s switch from Bordeaux emerged. The Moroccan hit-man has been a long-term target but now they are ready to turn their attention to £12million-rated Cole.
Let me state here and now if we sign this crock of shite I’ll never watch us again and instead spend every living moment reading from a holy book dressed in rags and living on meths.
More bollocks from the Screws which says we are paying close attention to Japanese striker Takayuki Morimoto who plays for Catania in Serie A.
Last word, as always, to henry Norris who writes in his column in the Bugle: “********** ** ******* *** ***** ********* ********* ***ing ******.”

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