Silent Stan snaps up nags for RVP miracle cure

The news this afternoon is that Stan Kroenke has ditched plans to invest in further shares at Arsenal by the end of the month, instead choosing to wait until the new year to take his shareholding to the magic 29.99% figure.
This is because Silent Stan has plunged $1 million into a Montana ranch thought to be 10,000 acres and containing 4,000 horses, in an effort to rear as much placenta as possible after yet another Arsenal player has fallen short to an ankle injury.
Having suffered ruptured ankle ligaments playing for the Dutch on Saturday, Robin Van Persie was given the name of a specialist in Serbia, whose trick is rubbing horse placenta into her patient’s damaged area.
And it was Kieran Gibbs who fell short to an ankle injury last night. Shrewd businessman Stan sees hiring a specialist as dead money though, deciding instead to take out a mortgage on a horse ranch in a pessimistic move that says he expects the Arsenal injury trend to continue.
After 21 minutes last night, Gibbs was forced out of England U21’s European Championship qualifier in Lithuania after injuring his right ankle in a tackle. He has since been sent for a precautionary X-ray and we wait for any updates.
It is a major blow for the club as Gael Clichy is already out with a back-injury, plus Gibbs has settled nicely into the team, adding to the attacking flair and epitomising the talent Arsenal’s squad has this year.
Mikael Silvestre is the only other real recognised left-back in the club – Armand Traore has made one Carling Cup appearance this season – but reports say the Frenchman has already applied for a position as horse placenta extractor on ‘Stan’s Farm’ and is looking to terminate his contract with Arsenal in the next week. Picture that!
Moving on, and today is the last batch of international games that need completing before we can start concentrating on the Premier League game away to Sunderland this weekend.
On international duty tonight are Gallas, Sagna, Arshavin, Fabregas and Eboue, so not quite as many Arsenal players in action as there were over the weekend but I’m sure all fans will be following the evening’s proceedings closely, hoping no more injuries arise.
It’s beginning to feel something like little Andrey and baby Cesc are embarking upon their first night on the town, all dolled up like a proper pair of head-turners, and while they play the helpless fans will wait up to see they return home safely.
Forgive the melodrama, but what with all the bad news that travels back to the Emirates after our stars have been representing their nations, it is only natural our parental instincts come into play.
I guess that’s just the way it is when one of your top marksman ruptures his ankle ligaments in a pointless friendly and your last decent, most promising left-back sadly follows suit.
Watch intently then as Fabregas travels away with Spain to face Austria and Eboue links up with the Ivory Coast squad in Germany.
In competitive games, Sagna and Gallas are in France for the second leg of the World Cup Qualifier against the Republic of Ireland, where Les Bleus hold a 1-0 lead.
Arshavin will also be looking to make South Africa when he travels with the Russia squad to Slovenia, the Red nation on top 2-1.
Lastly, Thomas Vermaelen was involved as Belgium beat Qatar 2-0 last night at the Stade Louis-Dugauguez in France.

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