Emirates Cup Exclusive – Henry Norris Hour

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Hic! Henry Norris is the rather squiffy football correspondent of the Bugle newspaper and an ardent Arsenal supporter to boot. Each week he’ll join us here at arsenalinsider.com to bring you his forthright views on all things AFC…please be advised, he hits the bottle early!
Swiss streak of piss…
Christ on a bike (a phrase I have borrowed from Chris Eboue Adsett). What on earth was that simmering goblet of puke with the referee’s kit up to last night as the Royal Arsenal bravely fought back to 2-2 against an above average Barcelona team? I mean has he actually officiated at a football match before? Ever? At all? Can’t imagine so. Cesc’s booking was a case in point (or is it point in case?)…he won the ball fairly and indeed squarely and yet this Swiss streak of piss brandished the yellow card. UEFA must give him a red one as well as a red-hot poker up his sphincter in the opinion of this humble correspondent. My rather bust secretary Senga knows as much about football as I do pleasuring women orally yet she could have done a better job than this ham-fisted wet wipe! I am led to believe he has been handed the return let in the Catalonian capital so at least that means we have a chance if he keeps to the level of vomit-inducing incompetency he displayed last night. Massimo Busacca is the chump’s name…I am all for naming and shaming these fools.
Andy The Viking Fordham
Bumped in to Andy The Viking Fordham last night before the game against Barca as I dined at the Arsenal Fish Bar, my usual hang-out for consuming comestibles before a match. For those of you who don’t follow darts, Andy is the former professional player who reached 88 stone before giving up the pop and slimming down to 11 stone. Some effort, I am told by Senga, who says she would give her right arm to lose just two stone, I told her that an arm would probably weigh a stone so if she hacked it off she would be half way there, but she shot me a daggers glance that suggested I had been drinking, which I had, of course. Well a few vodka Martinis before lunch hardly counts. Anyway I digress, back to Andy and he tells me he is a big Royal Arsenal fan and has a new pup and is inviting visitors to arsenalinsider.com to suggest Gunners-based names for it? Over to you…
We must remember Rocky
So there we were, resplendent in red and white, bathed in pre-match confidence, tuneful to a tee. Arsenal fans gathered early ahead of the Barca game and the songs, and scarf-waving was a sight to behold. One song, though, wasn’t sung. Where were the Rocky Rocastle anthems? Yesterday was the ninth anniversary of our Highbury hero’s sad demise yet we couldn’t muster one audible tribute to a true Arsenal legend. Sure, there were pockets of Rocastleistas such as myself and Adrian belting out the Rocky ditty. But today we must hang our heads in shame today that we couldn’t sing his name. And the club? Not a mention…a brief message on the giant screen? Not that I saw, and I left the comfortable chaise longue at the Sir Bob McNab Arms in Upper Street (where I enjoyed a few sherbets with Judy Finnegin of all people) abnormally early to witness the pre-kick-off hullabaloo. Last night a tiny bit of my love for the Royal Arsenal died. Only my thoughts, dear reader.
Emirates Cup exclusive
Worrying news from my source at the Royal Arsenal who tells me two of the teams being considered for the Emirates Cup this summer are Mogadishu Rangers and Ciudad Juarez Rovers. So what I hear you ask? Well, given that the former comes from the war-torn Somalian capital that is recognised as the most dangerous place on the planet, and the latter are from the city in Mexico that is acknowledged as the most violent on earth for drug murders, as many as 20 a day. These clubs, if chosen, will be given 1,500 tickets for the two-day football festival. Could be interesting in the Wig and Gown on Holloway Road before the games, is all I’m thinking. Toodle pip for now, old sports, I’ve promised Senga an early lunch and seeing as she seems to be sans brassiere today my eyes will be out on storks for a couple of hours for sure. Up the Royal Arsenal…so to speak!
Henry was talking to Carl Eldridge.

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